So I’ve taken a bit of a hiatus recently. I’ve been having what I’m calling an existential crisis. I’ve been questioning what is real, what the point of life is and why we exist. I have still been writing but it has been more working out things that I’m not prepared to share yet. Not because I’m embarrassed or the content even. More so because I’ve realized how important it is to reflect. I’ve realized how stupid you look when you just state your opinion all the time without reflecting. I want to make sure I truly believe what I say before I stamp my name on it and send it out for the world to see. At some point you can over reflect, afraid to state an opinion on anything. It is a delicate balance.
I would like to write philosophy a book that starts where Rene Descartes started, at nothing. Then I want to build a theology on that. All the great theologians take things for granted as assumptions when doing theology. Aquinas references the bible a lot without proving the Bible truly is the word of God. Augustine at times speculates about God and human nature without much grounding in necessity. I would like to start with nothing, start where Descartes left off, I know that I am a thinking thing, everything else could be an illusion. Then prove God and some attributes about God, prove Jesus is necessary if those attributes of God are true and finally prove that Catholicism most closely resembles the church Jesus began.
Without doing this I really don’t know what I believe. Right now I believe Catholicism is true, but I have no necessary proof. I am however left with so many questions. I have also lost faith in empirical evidence. That is that what we see and hear and take and touch and smell cannot be used as evidence for anything. Einstein proved to us that time and space is relative. What we perceive as time and space really means nothing because it is only perception. It is ironic that science revealed this to me and made me lose faith in science altogether. I don’t believe that we live in the matrix or something, I believe that there is empirical evidence, I just don’t believe we can use it as concrete facts to prove something like God.
The point I want to make is that the questions I am asking, have in a sense overcome me. I feel inadequate to say my opinion on anything. As Thomas Aquinas realized, everything is straw. Everything anyone has ever thought or wrote or said is completely meaningless. If God exists will he care about anything we say or do? Will it matter in the end? What am I to do with my life if I can’t know anything for sure? How can life have meaning? What is the point of anything?
I’ve decided though I have to pursue these questions. If life has any meaning then I feel like I must find it. The only way to find the meaning of life is to ask them and try to answer them even if every answer is straw. So I’m back. But this blog is going to be more about asking questions without answers and making people think than about what I think. I will put my opinion in as well of course but I realize I’m probably wrong about everything I say because my knowledge is so incredibly limited. I do this knowing my opinion will just make me look stupid in the end. I’ve realized that your opinion, rather than help, only ever gets in the way. Also, no one cares what you think, so get over yourself. Spend your time listening instead of talking.
Finally, In the words of Plato, “I know not how I may seem to others, but to myself I am but a small child wandering upon the vast shores of knowledge, every now and then finding a small bright pebble to content myself with”