I’m Back!

So I’ve taken a bit of a hiatus recently.  I’ve been having what I’m calling an existential crisis. I’ve been questioning what is real, what the point of life is and why we exist. I have still been writing but it has been more working out things that I’m not prepared to share yet. Not because I’m embarrassed or the content even. More so because I’ve realized how important it is to reflect. I’ve realized how stupid you look when you just state your opinion all the time without reflecting. I want to make sure I truly believe what I say before I stamp my name on it and send it out for the world to see. At some point you can over reflect, afraid to state an opinion on anything. It is a delicate balance. 

I would like to write philosophy a book that starts where Rene Descartes started, at nothing. Then I want to build a theology on that. All the great theologians take things for granted as assumptions when doing theology. Aquinas references the bible a lot without proving the Bible truly is the word of God. Augustine at times speculates about God and human nature without much grounding in necessity. I would like to start with nothing, start where Descartes left off, I know that I am a thinking thing, everything else could be an illusion. Then prove God and some attributes about God, prove Jesus is necessary if those attributes of God are true and finally prove that Catholicism most closely resembles the church Jesus began. 

Without doing this I really don’t know what I believe. Right now I believe Catholicism is true, but I have no necessary proof. I am however left with so many questions. I have also lost faith in empirical evidence. That is that what we see and hear and take and touch and smell cannot be used as evidence for anything. Einstein proved to us that time and space is relative. What we perceive as time and space really means nothing because it is only perception. It is ironic that science revealed this to me and made me lose faith in science altogether. I don’t believe that we live in the matrix or something, I believe that there is empirical evidence, I just don’t believe we can use it as concrete facts to prove something like God. 

The point I want to make is that the questions I am asking, have in a sense overcome me. I feel inadequate to say my opinion on anything. As Thomas Aquinas realized, everything is straw. Everything anyone has ever thought or wrote or said is completely meaningless. If God exists will he care about anything we say or do? Will it matter in the end? What am I to do with my life if I can’t know anything for sure? How can life have meaning? What is the point of anything? 

I’ve decided though I have to pursue these questions. If life has any meaning then I feel like I must find it. The only way to find the meaning of life is to ask them and try to answer them even if every answer is straw. So I’m back. But this blog is going to be more about asking questions without answers and making people think than about what I think. I will put my opinion in as well of course but I realize I’m probably wrong about everything I say because my knowledge is so incredibly limited. I do this knowing my opinion will just make me look stupid in the end. I’ve realized that your opinion, rather than help, only ever gets in the way. Also, no one cares what you think, so get over yourself. Spend your time listening instead of talking. 

Finally, In the words of Plato, “I know not how I may seem to others, but to myself I am but a small child wandering upon the vast shores of knowledge, every now and then finding a small bright pebble to content myself with”


3 Replies to “I’m Back!”

  1. Hey Mike. I don’t know if your goal is for people to reply or not, but I read your post with much intrigue and just wanted to leave you a note.

    At first I was a little taken off guard and surprised by your ambition to “prove God” because I certainly agree that the conventional approach to proof – through empirical evidence – truly isn’t the method to achieve such a task. Then you posit there must be some other form of evidence to prove it, if not empirical. The burden of proof usually requires repetition of inputs to ensure that outputs are not flukes. So, I would be interested to hear more about what form of evidence you would be looking to find that would be able to prove such a thing.

    Just a passing thought, I understand the desire to understand the purpose of life and to know with certainty the existence of God – because i share this burning desire, and I’m sure it is one instilled inside all of us – but sometimes I wonder what would happen if we did know these answers. I think that part of the peace that comes with true faith comes from the maturity that comes from placing all of your being, your entire soul, into the hands of a belief without any sort of definite proof.

    True peace in one’s faith is obtained through observation and experiences – as I’m sure you realize.

    You brought up the idea of perception; everything in life is perception and subjective. Youth are exposed to faith to a certain extent, yet it is only through their experiences and accumulation of wisdom through age, that they are able to recognize all the places where we could perceive Christ’s presence, where true faith is born. Even with all of these potential points of proof, there is the issue of subjective perception.

    Lastly – because this has morphed into more than just a note, I feel – in your final paragraph, you speak as though are trying to discredit yourself, saying you know very little. You have been around for nearly three decades. In that time you have learned something nearly every second of every day, whether you realized it or not. Your perspective bears the weight of your experiences. Yet I agree you know very little – as we all do – because no one really knows anything. Be proud, because I’m sure somewhere someone is laughing at us as a civilization because we think we know something; with such little knowledge as a civilization, so much is possible, which is an enthralling concept.

    I just wanted to thank you for this post and thank you for enabling me to ponder some “larger than life” issues. Best of luck in your pursuit of knowledge, but of course in this universe, the more questions we answer, the more questions we realize there truly are.


  2. Hey Mike,

    Have you read G.K. Chesterton’s Orthodoxy? Or C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity. I think both give a good apologetic for understanding theology without starting from a position of faith. They may not be starting from absolute carte blanche, but I think they start close enough to it. Also, Chesterton especially is just a damn fine read.




    1. I’ve read Mere Christianity and it’s one of my all time favourites. I still haven’t read any Chesterton but it’s on my list. I felt I did need to start from carte blanc though. I want to go from Descartes “I think therefore I am” to Catholicism, or at least Christianity. I think it can be done too!


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